Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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