he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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