he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
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