After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
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