They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
