my soul wont recognize me after tonight
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
Randomize
