Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
Randomize
