his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
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