3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
