That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Randomize
