I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
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