she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
