I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
Did we literally take a cab across the street
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
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