no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
