hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Randomize
