I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
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