if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
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