I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
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