Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
i think my cat just said my name.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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