just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
