remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
