i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
Randomize