I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
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