Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
