he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Randomize
