the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
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