he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Randomize
