I'm going to jail i love you
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Randomize
