I'm so fucking centered right now
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Randomize
