I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
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