go do what you do best...puke behind churches
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
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