Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Randomize
