We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
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