how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Randomize
