Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Randomize
