put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Randomize
