She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
can u get pink eye on your cock?
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
