Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
