Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
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