Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize
