We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
