i'm signing you up for texting rehab
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
Randomize
