We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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