apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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