so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Randomize
