Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Randomize
