It's like a parade of train wrecks.
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
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