That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
