I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
