My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
home. puking in laundry basket.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
