Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Randomize
