one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
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He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
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She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
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