I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
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