can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
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