Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
Randomize
