just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
Randomize
