I'm going to rape someone's good day.
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
