1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
