I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
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