You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
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