Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
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