I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
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