my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Randomize
