This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
Randomize
