They should really pass out barf bags in church
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Randomize
