PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize