I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
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My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
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I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
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