My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
Randomize
