Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
